AT THE END OF YOUR ARM
AT THE END OF YOUR ARM
The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm. --Swedish proverb
Every now and again a quote comes to you that is just so obvious but true!
There are so many looking for help, looking to others to “fix” them and take responsibility for them
Getting help does start at the end of your arm; it sure did for me.
We are entering into a period of time which for many of us is supposed to be “Joyous” and fun no matter what your religion. For many this time of the year has a strong religious component.
For far too many, this is a very tough time of the year. It is depressing, particularly when you feel you are not a part of what’s going on, you have a black cloud over your head, or you are not materially in a good place.
Like many others, I believe that we have lost what is really important;” the spirit” of the season.
I marvel each year at this time as people come forward and give to others. Whether it is toys, money, food, clothing or more, many do what they can to insure others can materially enjoy the basics of the season.
What troubles me is that there are far too many that take all they can from the helping hand, and do not look at the end of their own arm. Nothing changes unless something changes and in my case, that something had to be me. Courage is needed to break the negative cycle some get caught up in. To get help, your arm must reach out.
This is a season that is truly spiritual, and in reaching out you may be directed to something inside of you; at your very centre.
I am a long time recovering addict and I do believe in holistic life recovery with a spiritual component (not necessarily religious). I read “recovery” literature and often quote from it. From the book “Keep It Simple”, a Hazelden publication, the following hit home today:
“We do this by finding our spiritual center. This is the place inside of us where our Higher Power lives. We turn our will and our lives over to this spiritual center. We do as our spiritual center tells us. And from our spiritual center, we'll find our values. We'll live better lives. We'll come to trust ourselves again.”
While the “this” talked about refers to self-trust, if you reach out and look, you will find that this “spiritual centre” is the fulcrum for a mentally healthy balanced life.
To my Christian friends may you fully embrace the spiritual base of this holiday, to all others, may the “spirit of the season” touch you as you have some time to relax. If you’re looking for a hand, start at the end of your own arm. You will never know where it leads until you try. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
पोपले प्लेअसिं" Time
PEOPLE PLEASIN’ TIME OF THE YEAR
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.--Bill Cosby
I am so blessed to have the space I do to work in. Today my view through my windows is of crisp white snow and snow clinging to mature cedars at the back of our property. The view reflects the positive state I’m in a majority of the time, and I am eternally grateful for the changes in my life that allow me to see the beauty all around me.
Years ago, my favourite lady, my Aunt Ruth, used to take me to see Bill Cosby. This was well before he was a sitcom guy. I love both his comedy and wisdom. The quote above, which came as a part of a reading, was a good reminder for me today.
I, for one, spent many a year trying to please others. Pleasing others for a myriad of reasons was very important to me. I wanted love and wanted affirmation from others that I was OK.
If you can relate to this then please read on.
As Cosby states, trying to please everybody was a key to failure in many parts of my life. I had lost something critical to success; ME. I may have come across as self-centred and at times “insecure and needy”. Frequently I tried to I cover this by acting arrogant or superior. I know today that my actions were a cry out for security and that stemmed from a lack of self-esteem.
As I got older, things got worse. I became whatever person I thought would make others happy, and I sought affirmation of myself in all the wrong places and ways. I looked for all types of ways to fill the hole inside yet things got progressively worse, not better.
Christmas and the holiday time were the worst time of the year for my people pleasing. Look at the opportunities that come about, particularly with the ability to give the biggest and best present, to be flowery in cards I wrote and to be the best Christmas guy around.
When the smoke cleared after the celebrations, that hole was still there.
Through some tough lessons and sinking (in my own mind) to levels I did not want to be at, I was taught a great lesson by a “help giving professional” I had sought ought.
In my own way, I had been running my tail off to please others. I had not learned why I had that hole in me and what I truly had to do to fill it. The learning started a journey for me, a journey I continue on to this day. Healing was a process of life transformation and recovery.
I go through a brief exercise with most of my clients. It shows that you can’t give away what you haven’t got. How do you please (or even love) others wholly if you can’t do it for yourself.
In some ways the life I had led would seem selfish, and it was. People pleasing was part of the manifestation of this. A paradox became real. I had to get truly selfish to become unselfish. I had to take the time, and get the help to work on me; and it has paid huge dividends, dividends that can’t be measured in dollars and cents.
The scene before me is a reminder that Christmas is coming. Because of the road I’ve travelled, Christmas is now totally different. Sure we give and receive gifts. Both in my personal life and family life I love to give. There is now a huge difference.
Today the priority is not to please you (although it’s lovely to see joy in others). I can do things that please me and the power that guides my life and in doing this, it seems to bring joy to many of those in my life. The hole inside is very small.
I cannot please all of the people all of the time and I long ago quit trying. Without that hole inside of me, I can do what I believe is right without the motive of trying to simply please others and this does give me personal serenity, pleasure and gratitude.
Mr. Cosby you are so right, trying to please everybody is a key to failure.
Share your thoughts here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I look forward to reading them!
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.--Bill Cosby
I am so blessed to have the space I do to work in. Today my view through my windows is of crisp white snow and snow clinging to mature cedars at the back of our property. The view reflects the positive state I’m in a majority of the time, and I am eternally grateful for the changes in my life that allow me to see the beauty all around me.
Years ago, my favourite lady, my Aunt Ruth, used to take me to see Bill Cosby. This was well before he was a sitcom guy. I love both his comedy and wisdom. The quote above, which came as a part of a reading, was a good reminder for me today.
I, for one, spent many a year trying to please others. Pleasing others for a myriad of reasons was very important to me. I wanted love and wanted affirmation from others that I was OK.
If you can relate to this then please read on.
As Cosby states, trying to please everybody was a key to failure in many parts of my life. I had lost something critical to success; ME. I may have come across as self-centred and at times “insecure and needy”. Frequently I tried to I cover this by acting arrogant or superior. I know today that my actions were a cry out for security and that stemmed from a lack of self-esteem.
As I got older, things got worse. I became whatever person I thought would make others happy, and I sought affirmation of myself in all the wrong places and ways. I looked for all types of ways to fill the hole inside yet things got progressively worse, not better.
Christmas and the holiday time were the worst time of the year for my people pleasing. Look at the opportunities that come about, particularly with the ability to give the biggest and best present, to be flowery in cards I wrote and to be the best Christmas guy around.
When the smoke cleared after the celebrations, that hole was still there.
Through some tough lessons and sinking (in my own mind) to levels I did not want to be at, I was taught a great lesson by a “help giving professional” I had sought ought.
In my own way, I had been running my tail off to please others. I had not learned why I had that hole in me and what I truly had to do to fill it. The learning started a journey for me, a journey I continue on to this day. Healing was a process of life transformation and recovery.
I go through a brief exercise with most of my clients. It shows that you can’t give away what you haven’t got. How do you please (or even love) others wholly if you can’t do it for yourself.
In some ways the life I had led would seem selfish, and it was. People pleasing was part of the manifestation of this. A paradox became real. I had to get truly selfish to become unselfish. I had to take the time, and get the help to work on me; and it has paid huge dividends, dividends that can’t be measured in dollars and cents.
The scene before me is a reminder that Christmas is coming. Because of the road I’ve travelled, Christmas is now totally different. Sure we give and receive gifts. Both in my personal life and family life I love to give. There is now a huge difference.
Today the priority is not to please you (although it’s lovely to see joy in others). I can do things that please me and the power that guides my life and in doing this, it seems to bring joy to many of those in my life. The hole inside is very small.
I cannot please all of the people all of the time and I long ago quit trying. Without that hole inside of me, I can do what I believe is right without the motive of trying to simply please others and this does give me personal serenity, pleasure and gratitude.
Mr. Cosby you are so right, trying to please everybody is a key to failure.
Share your thoughts here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I look forward to reading them!
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